Resume For George Bush

[From the blog of Marc Perkel, 2004]

Past work experience

- Ran for Congress and lost.

- Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

- Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

- Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using tax-payer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox

- With father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas. Accomplishments: Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union. Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. Set record for most executions by any governor in American history.

- Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes with the help of my fathers appointments to the Supreme Court.

Accomplishments as President

- Either lied or used extremely flawed intelligence against the advice of many of our own military, most of our allies, and most of the church leaders of America to waste much of our wealth and many of our soldiers lives on an unwise and unjust war.

- Spent the huge surplus left by the Clinton administration and bankrupted our nation's treasury.

- Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.

- Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.

- First president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

- First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in U.S. history (25%).

- After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

- Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any other president in U.S. history.

- In just two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs.

- Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in U.S. history.

- Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.

- Presided over a 45% increase in the loss of home ownership in America since the year 2000.

- Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in U.S. history.

- Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.

- Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in U.S. history.

- Presided over the biggest energy crises in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.

- Presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.

- Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.

- Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest against any person in the history of mankind.

- Dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S. history.

- The most secretive and unaccountable administration in U.S. history.

- The wealthiest cabinet ever in U.S. history. (the poorest multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice had a Chevron oil tanker named after her).

- Presided over the biggest corporate stock market frauds of any market in any country in the history of the world.

- Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.

- Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in U.S. history.

- First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the human rights commission.

- Withdrew from the World Court of Law.

- Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in U.S. history.

- Made the United States the least respected member of the entire United Nations.

- Refused to allow independent inspectors access to U.S. prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.

- First president in U.S. history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. elections).

- All-time U.S. (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.

- George W. Bush's biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).

-Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in U.S. history.

- First president in U.S. history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

- First president to run and hide when the U.S. came under attack

- Took the biggest world sympathy for the U.S. after 911, and in less than a year made the U.S. the most detested country in the world

- With a policy of 'disengagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.

- Changed U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

- Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in U.S. history.

- In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the U.S. has ever been since the Civil War.

- Entered office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.

Records and References

- At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available)

- AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war.

- Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

- All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

- All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

- All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

- Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.