Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Confesses To Confessing Under Torture

Umm, sorta satire...Pete

March 28, 2007 | Issue 43•13

GUANTANAMO BAY, CUBA—Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the alleged 9/11 mastermind who recently admitted to murdering journalist Daniel Pearl and planning more than 30 other terrorist acts, confessed on tape Monday that he had made his recent confessions under extreme physical and mental duress.

"I deeply regret any inaccuracies or exaggerations I may have uttered in my agitated mental state," a bloodied, visibly exhausted Mohammed said in a videotaped statement. "But the men with whom I was cooperating said the pain would only stop if I had in fact beheaded Pearl with my own hands, planned the September 11th attacks, and was actually Osama bin Laden after extensive plastic surgery. Again, I apologize for any difficulties that may arise from any misinformation I may have provided."

CIA and military intelligence officers said they were willing to intensify their interrogation of Mohammed if his torture claims prove inaccurate.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/60009

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