The nattering nabobs of ... patriotism?

By Paul Lewis, Philedelphia Inquirer
http://www.philly.com/mld/inquirer/news/editorial/14042962.htm

Declaration of Independence: The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations.

Samuel Adams: If ever time should come, when vain and aspiring men shall possess the highest seats in Government, our country will stand in need of its experienced patriots to prevent its ruin.

Thomas Paine:What is called the splendour of a throne is no other than the corruption of the state. It is made up of a band of parasites, living in luxurious indolence, out of the public taxes.

Press briefing, St. James's Palace

Scott McClellan, Esq.: Following a brief comment on criticism of the administration from across the Atlantic, I'll take your questions. I need hardly remind you that these are perilous times. Times when Indian uprisings in the colonies and challenges to commerce on the high seas make security concerns paramount. In this context, we welcome constructive ideas, but, alas, hear nothing but negativity from our critics. Do they have any ideas, any positive agenda? I don't think so.

The McLaughlin Group, PBS

John McLaughlin: Look, there are many leaders in America, but you've got to wonder if they are ever going to get their act together. Watch this clip. [Shows Jefferson, Adams and Paine making the comments above.] OK, so we've heard the latest round of potshots fired by these so-called revolutionaries. I ask YOU, Pat Buchanan, what you make of these comments.

Eleanor Clift: Now, John, am I ever going to ...

Pat Buchanan: John, it's the same mean-spirited attack we've been hearing for decades from places like Boston and Richmond. How much easier it is to call the King's appointees "vain and aspiring" than it is to advance a positive agenda.

Tony Blankley: Pat's right, John. It's easier to whine about supporting "parasites" than to see how the monarchy stimulates economic growth by employing throne builders and gourmet chefs.

Eleanor Clift: But, John, John ...

John McLaughlin: Bye, bye!

Royal press conference, St. James's Palace:

Q: Your Majesty, would you care to comment on the recent pointless and purely negative attacks by the Americans?

King George III: I'm glad you put that question on the table, Wolf, where it can be carved up and batted around. There are those who say that when it comes to the development of agendas, negativityness, or negativitude, or negativitality will never convince those who are themselves not as negative as the agenda developers. And I think I'll just leave it there, heh, heh. Now, where are my parasites?

Fox News crawl: King George decries "negativitude" ... Britannia continues to rule waves ... Music reviewer Lord Slumber calls "Yankee Doodle" a "stupid song," others agree ... Philadelphia overrated as tourist attraction ... George Washington flatulent ...

The O'Reilly Factor, Fox News

Tom Paine: These are the times that try men's ...

Bill O'Reilly: Will you just shut up! Look, I have one question for you. First, it's the King you smear with your negativity, calling his court a "band of parasites," then it's God. Did or didn't you say that Jesus was a "virtuous and amiable man"? A man, is that all? When are you liberals going to end your war on ... No positive agenda. No positive agenda. Shut up!

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The Rush Limbaugh Show, EIB Network

Rush Limbaugh: My friends, we've been hearing this for years and years from these witless Americans. Hating the rich, cryin' crocodile tears over the poor, why it's nothing but class warfare. Do they have a positive agenda or is their best shot whining about vague "injuries and usurpations"?

anncoulter.com: Recent attack lines from American liberals are all too familiar. Usually the nonsense they spout is kind of cute, but in times of danger their instinctive idiocy is life-threatening. And, as for threatening lives, maybe it's time to dump some of them in Boston Harbour. And where, I for one would ask, is their positive agenda?

Paul Lewis (lewisp@bc.edu) is a professor of English at Boston College and the author of "Cracking Up: American Humor in a Time of Conflict," to be published this fall by the University of Chicago Press.